Can anyone help me with the mechanics in my persuasive essay? Love suggestions?

said to be blind: however, society is not. -is unacceptable cruelty in the opinion of - Immature early teen... - level of criminal trial as adults could certainly establish... - By deterring juvenile delinquents we would accomplish - - - - Sorry - not a lot of space! My main criticism is that you're too wordy - otherwise, EXCELLENT!